So this just happened on my dash guys
REMEMBER THE END?!?!
2014!FUTURE!CAS SAID THAT HE HAD NO POWERS BECAUSE THE ANGELS LEFT
“NO MATTER WHAT CHOICES YOU MAKE WHATEVER DETAILS YOU ALTER YOU WILL ALWAYS END UP HERE”
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HELP
We were truly forewarned
I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.
i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man
the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge
Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.
PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
Jesus fucking christ Tumblr
This is great. But ya’ll forgot to make sure there’s nothing with your name in the trash that you dump yah body parts in.
If you can get your hands on some sodium hydroxide (e.g. from like a soap supply store, remember pay cash and use a fake name etc) this will totally screw the dna analysis from the blood if you spray the shit everywhere you wont even have to clean the blood at the scene up
AND, in prep the unlikely situation (if you didn’t follow these instructions correctly) your body is found, make sure you remove the mandible from the head and deposit it else where. Preferably a couple of miles (way over twenty I suggest) from where you hid the original body.
The mandible is used in facial reconstruction a lot and without the mandible they cannot collect a clear picture of what your victim looked like. This was they cannot use missing persons as easily and if they do it would take them even longer. More than likely without the mandible, a massacred face, no teeth and burnt of fingertips you should be looking at your victim being a John Doe. For a very long time.
Oh and in case it hadn’t already occurred to you, buy a weapon to do the deed. Not an unusual weapon, not using a credit card, not in a main department store (preferably). I suggest everyday kitchen utensils or gardening equipment that would be common in most household homes. Look online and do some reason, the more popular a product the more you should use it. That way they can’t exactly look back at the sales records.
And don’t keep that weapon in the house or anyway near your residence. Don’t even bury it with the main body. I’d bury it with the mandible myself. Make sure you leave no finger prints, wear gloves etc. This isn’t exactly rocket science so you should understand it quite easily.
You should also keep hydrogen peroxide with you when you’re doing your dirty work. It destroys the DNA in blood, so if you should happen to cut yourself or if you need to make a quick getaway and don’t have time to properly take care of the victim’s blood, that will invalidate it as evidence. The Boondock Saints shows the characters using ammonia, but apparently that would only temporarily corrupt the evidence and the effect could be reversed.
If you’re killing someone because you’re a psychopath and want to find out what it’s like, kill someone you don’t know who doesn’t live anywhere near you. You can still get away with it if it’s someone you know, but it’s easier all around if they have no reason to suspect you.
If you’re going to be a serial killer, do your best to avoid forming a pattern. Find your victims in different settings and locations, choose people of varying age, means, and racial background, and definitely don’t bury all the bodies in the same spot. If possible use different methods to kill them, or if you’re going to use a knife every time don’t use the same type and use it in different ways. The above is true; the weapon should be generic.
When it comes to serial killing, there’s a big temptation to either take souvenirs or leave calling cards. Both of these are ill-advised, but if you feel the need, take something small, both in its size and how much it will be missed from the crime scene. Since you’re destroying the teeth anyway, perhaps save one of them to keep tucked away. Or better yet, take a scrap of their clothing and then destroy the rest. If you need to leave a calling card, make it something that would be impossible to trace and unlikely to be noticed. For example, place a blank post-it note somewhere at the scene, or a package of them. Either way be sure to wear gloves so that you don’t leave any traces of skin or hair in the adhesive. While it is nice to have recognition, it’s much nicer not to get caught. So sate your appetite for glory knowing that if someone does find the pattern, they’ll never be able to trace it back to you and you’ll drive them mad.
Tumblr, I worry about you.
UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME
I’m not exactly sure when the Hogwarts sorting of the Big Four was ‘canonized’, but I’ve never really agreed with it. So here, I’m going to give you my case for the Big Four and their respective Hogwarts Houses.
First, we have Jack. I think he’s the one I see as the most mis-sorted, because everyone puts him in Slytherin. Now, I can see why: he’s a trickster, he’s mischeivious, he lives by his own rules, tends to act above others, etc. But everyone seems to forget: these are also the traits of a Gryffindor. The deciding factor, I think, comes out in (to borrow the phrase from his own movie) what Jack’s center is, and more importantly, how he found his center. Jack is the Guardian of Fun, and while fun itself isn’t an exclusively Gryffindor trait, it is how he uses it that really sets him apart as a Gryffindor. Jack, for all his shenanigans that land him a permanent spot on the naughty list, is actually very selfless. Although he’s a rather unwilling tag-along, he does help the Guardians even before they give him a reason to. He protects and comforts Jamie even when he knows there is basically no chance of them winning. Most notably, he sacrificed his life for his sister, and made her smile despite how terrifying it must have been. I think it’s easy to overlook how brave Jack really is because he’s always smiling. Still, underneath that reckless demeanor, I think that Jack is a selfless, brave Gryffindor.
Next, we have Merida. She’s another tricky one. I mean, come on, her movie is titled Brave. How obvious do you get, right? Gryffindor all the way. …But why? She’s feisty, that’s for sure, and fearless, a wee bit reckless, and lives by her own rules. But as with Jack, I have to point out that these are also the traits of a Slytherin. Merida walks a thin line between being Gryffindor and Slytherin, but there are some things that I think push her over into the Slytherin house definitively. Merida is a schemer. Let’s face it, for good or bad, she always seems to have a trick up her sleeve. She bribes her brothers constantly, uses them as a tool (even as bears) to get what she wants, (the key from Maudie) she basically declares war by sneaking a bow into a competition and going it her own way, and need I remind you, she made a deal with a witch and changed her own mother into a bear in order to get her way. Now, she didn’t know her mother would turn into a bear, but the point remains. We also need to mention, however, that her scheming and strong will also turns out for the better: protecting her mother so relentlessly against her father, repairing the tapestry, talking diplomatic sense into the lords’ heads. Still, all together, I think that Merida, sneaking, scheming, stubborn will and all, is a Slytherin through and through.
Now, Hiccup. I actually thought it would be obvious that this kid is a Ravenclaw. Aparently, not so. Everyone seems to pin him as a Hufflepuff. Okay, those honest green eyes and dependable personality definitely give you a reason to back the badger, I’ll give you that, but I don’t think Hufflepuffs have a monopoly on kindness and hardworkers, just as Gryffindor doesn’t have a monopoly on bravery. There are a lot of things about Hiccup in addition to his honesty that shape him up as a pretty solid Ravenclaw. Firstly, he’s very curious, but more importantly, he is observant and scholarly about the things he is curious about. He is constantly sketching and recording what he learns about dragons. He designs and builds things - machinery, equipment, etc., even before dragons come along. He’s obviously the intellectual strategist of the group, and the icing on the cake: he is probably the wittiest of the Big Four. Our favorite dragon trainer is a real fan of deadpan sarcasm, and is pretty good at using it, too. All in all, I think it’s easy to say that Hiccup is defitely a Ravenclaw.
Finally, Rapunzel. Honestly, I don’t even see why people peg her as a Ravenclaw, and that is not an insult. Rapunzel is curious, yes, talented, obviously, and interested in learning perhaps more than anyone else in the movie. But curiosity, intelligence, and learning do not a Ravenclaw make, and I think there’s a deeper heart to Rapunzel’s character that lands her in Hufflepuff. She is hardworking - I mean, come on, who wakes up so early and works all day at so many cool things, every day? She is unbelievably patient and dedicated to what she loves. She waited eighteen years in a small tower to figure out what the floating lights were. And in all those eighteen years, she never gave up, and never grew weary. She is unfailingly honest (“When I promise something, I never break that promise.”) to those that she loves, such as Flynn. She also demonstrates a Hufflepuff trait that I think is too often overlooked: a relentless opposition to evil. She swears (again with the promise-keeping) that she will fight Mother Gothel to her dying day, no matter what happens. And we believe her, because we know her, and we know she would always keep her word. So yes, while Rapunzel definitely demonstrates a good deal of Ravenclaw traits, I think she is, at her heart, a true Hufflepuff.
The lesson here: all of the Big Four demonstrate traits attributed from all four houses, but I think there are some key traits, from key moments in their development, that set them apart into their respective houses. Only, maybe not the ones that everyone expects.
You know what? I actually totally agree with your house choices for them. I think it really captures the true nature of their personalities. :D
FUCKIN ROUND OF APPLAUSE EVERYONE